


unbelonging

by onkensington



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, AoFuta Week 2020, Character Death, Day 7: Free Prompt, I Made Myself Cry, minor kogane, they don't do volleyball anymore tho, they're all grown up, tw blood and suicide, why are we here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:54:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26056798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onkensington/pseuds/onkensington
Summary: Aone finds his place.My entry for AoFuta Week 2020Day 7: free prompt
Relationships: aofuta
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20
Collections: AoFuta Week 2020





	unbelonging

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry (?) leggo

Aone's eyes opened ten seconds before the digital alarm beside him started blaring, loud and piercing through his ears. Half-awake, he turned it off and arose, noticing that the windows were open, curtains swaying slightly as the cold dawn air crept into his large bed and onto his arms. With slight annoyance at the fact that he'd fallen asleep without closing them for the first time in a while, he slammed them shut and flinched as the windowpane shook. It was an old house, and to no one's surprise, a long crack cut right through the middle of the wooden panel. Aone frowned and sighed deeply. 

If there was one thing that bothered one Aone Takanobu more than anything, it was things that were out of place.

At his age (and with his personality), not much could disturb the dull routine that was his daily life, nor were there many things that could tick off such a level-headed and calm individual. He'd get up, go to work, get back home, maybe go on a jog if he felt the need, and that would pretty much be it. Being a man of few words gave him even less reason to worry since it meant less people for him to have to please. _Repetitive_ was a good word to use to describe the entirety of his adult life so far, and he was perfectly content with that. 

And if there was one thing that Aone believed with his whole heart held a permanent place at the forefront of his thoughts all the time, it was the memory of Futakuchi Kenji walking out the door of their shared house for the last time.

He remembered how his heart pounded, seeing such an unfamiliar expression on Kenji's face. Whenever they parted, it was always teasing smiles and lighthearted banter, 'I love you's and 'Yes, yes I know you love me more than I love you' (and it was obvious which one was said by who). For as long as they had been together, they (read: Kenji because Aone avoids speaking like the Plague) could have said the nastiest things and would still have come home to a warm hug from the other.

This time, Kenji sported a slight frown on his face, lips in a tight line. Such a foreign expression, one that didn’t belong on such pretty features. Large brown eyes cast down, shoulders slumped. He looked tired, but Aone was nothing if not completely observant when it came to his lover. He knew there was more than just fatigue behind the heavy sighing and the staring off into space that had been happening quite often lately, but could not quite pinpoint the reason behind Kenji's change in mood. 

Kenji didn't spare him a glance before rushing out the door.

Aone's feet stayed glued to the ground, the sound of the door slamming shut ringing in his ears. Just like that, Kenji left his life. 

The feeling of associating Kenji, _his_ Kenji with such a negative notion such as pain never sat right with him despite them not being together anymore. And as usual, when his mind wandered too far into thoughts about Kenji, he’d stop himself. Aone pulled himself out of his reverie, trudging to the bathroom half asleep to get ready for another day of work. 

\-------------------------------------------------------

The walk back home from work is silent. With his eyes raised to the sky, his hands bury deeper into his pockets to battle the cold seeping into his fingers. The street he chose for his usual route home is one with a longer walk but with less people around. Aone tries not to notice how quiet it is, how it is a night with no stars and no moon, only dark clouds and a chill in the air and how much it seems exactly like the night exactly one year ago when he last saw Kenji. He does his best to not remember how Kenji would always venture out of the warmth of their home to look for him on nights when it was too cold, and summons all the will he has to stop himself from resurfacing the memory of Kenji in his coat, several sizes too large hanging ridiculously low on his shoulders, running up to him and smooshing Aone into the coat with him as best as he could.  
  


_"I thought you'd freeze out here without me. Aren't I considerate?" Kenji huddled even closer as Aone's hands slipped onto the back of his shirt, just above the hem. Thankfully, there wasn't anybody else walking by to witness the odd display of affection the two were putting on. A moment’s pause ensued._

_"... I'm not cold," Aone muttered, barely a sound._

_Kenji had looked up at him then, a glint in his eye. Even with his partner, Aone rarely spoke much, since Kenji could read his mannerisms anyway. Chuckling softly, he reached up and carded his fingers through Aone's short hair. He'd leaned closer then, and Aone had his eyes half closed when Kenji retracted his hands quickly and squished Aone's cheeks together. Aone glares, but lets him do what he wants. No matter what he did, the outcome would always be Kenji getting his way anyway._

_"Nope, no. You can't scare someone with a frown when you have no eyebrows, I'm sorry." Kenji bursts out laughing, nimble fingers moving to swipe repeatedly over where Aone's eyebrows should have been._

_Dry lips stretched into a wide grin, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes from laughing too much. Aone considered the fact that he can move, push Kenji away, sulk, anything- but he doesn't want to. In that moment, his thoughts raced. He found himself wanting to drown in the sound of Kenji's laughter, and the fact that he could have lived with that expression on Kenji's face being the last thing he ever saw in his lifetime. He also wasn’t sure if the stars in Kenji's eyes were a reflection of the night sky or his own imagination; just another Kenji thing. He noted the redness on Kenji's features and hoped it was because of him instead of the cold, and was conflicted over if he wanted to be home so Kenji didn’t have to freeze over in an empty street or if he wanted to stay just so he could stare at his partner for even just a second longer._

_“Listen, I love you and all but you’re being a creepo. Stop staring at me you big grumpy browless polar bear,” Kenji finally pulled back, bounding away from him, towards the direction of home._

_He frowned again. Aone realized he was overreacting, but nonetheless reminded himself of how much he hated the sight of Kenji’s back turned to him._   
  


Aone shakes his head, tries to clear away all thoughts of the other person. A dull ache throbs in his chest as the memories of his ex-lover resurface.

Except he only tells himself it is dull. In reality, the pain is sharp, piercing through his whole being. He feels like he could keel over, an internal war going on in his thoughts and in his heart. His steps quicken because he is sinking, deeper and deeper. The sound of the wind rushing by his face doesn’t register anymore, and he bends forward, clutching his coat because he can feel himself drowning, going under, slipping away-

“Aone-san. A-are you okay?”

 _Click._

The sound is clear, snapping him out of whatever trance he was in. He straightens his back as best as he can and looks up, eyes meeting Kogane’s. He looks around and realizes that he is standing on the road in front of his house, his old high school junior leaning on the wall beside his gate. Despite this position, Kogane is alert, hands twitching by his sides before Aone straightens up to his full height. For a while, all they do is stare at each other. He doesn’t really feel like speaking, and the look on Kogane’s face tells him that his junior is _trying_ to.

“Sorry for showing up uninvited, Aone-san. Um. I… just wanted to see you, I guess,” he murmurs the last part, and Aone’s eyes are wide as he stares at Kogane. Even for a man who doesn’t speak very much, the younger’s words make him speechless. Kogane stares back at him, face contorted in confusion as to why the older was staring at him like he has grown a second head. Aone can almost see the lightbulb turning on over his head as Kogane proceeds to gape at him, mouth open and closing like a fish out of water. 

“I-I didn’t mean it like that! I came here to check up on you, since it’s been a while that the incident happened and-” Kogane stutters, and stops himself midway through his sentence. His eyes are now darting left and right. Aone raises his brows (or whatever lives on that part of his face) and despite the missing parts, the point comes across to the other. He continues, “Don’t look at me like that. Let’s go eat! Ya know the place with the dumplings we went to a few years ago? Let’s go there. I’ll buy,” and spins on his feet to walk in the other direction without looking back, body moving almost mechanically. In his head, he corrects Kogane: they went there last year, but Kogane is absent-minded like that. 

He also wonders how stupid his junior thinks he is, if he expects Aone to believe that it is just a casual unplanned meal together, if Kogane’s face that was twisted into a grimace is anything to go by. He supposes that if his junior’s intentions are just to cheer him up, then he’d welcome it. He knows it’s about Kenji, because every deviation from his normal boring routine was always because of Kenji. 

\-------------------------------------------------------

On their way over to the restaurant, Kogane fills the silence with his chattering. His arms flail around, excited- and Aone accepts the familiarity of it gladly. He is grateful to see that the younger hasn’t changed, because he doesn’t like adjustments in his life. However, he also does not enjoy chatterboxes, and thus he quickens his steps. They are a few minutes away from their destination and since Aone knows the way there, he does not mind that he is a considerable distance ahead of Kogane. He stares at the bulbs of the streetlights they pass by, and even though there is a steadily growing black dot at the centre of his vision because of it, he does not stop. How does something so bright create something so dark? 

And because he is lost in his fascination, he does not realize that he can no longer hear Kogane’s incessant blathering, nor does he notice the distant sound of the younger calling out his name. He is about to turn a corner when a hand yanks at his shoulder and effectively makes him stumble back a bit. Startled, he looks back to see Kogane a bit shaken, his eyes fixed onto the road in the direction Aone was about to turn to. 

“L-Let’s not use that road, Aone-san. It’s, uh-” Kogane says sharply, before softening his tone a bit and continuing, “It’s too dark to go in there. The streetlights in those parts are a bit wonky. There’s another route we can take, with a nicer view too…?” Aone notices that his eyes are a bit unfocused, still fixated in the same direction.

And since he’s a bit annoyed because he was pulled back so roughly, Aone doesn’t take the bait.

“This is the closest route. Only a few blocks left,” he swiftly shakes off the other’s grip on his shoulder and enters the street. He notes that this is a road he hasn’t ever been through, and for unknown reasons, he feels a twinge in his chest. 

He is already halfway down the street when an odd sensation washes over him. He’s unsure if Kogane is following behind him or not, nor is he sure if he has suddenly stepped into another realm. His vision becomes a bit dim. It’s as if a veil has been placed over his eyes, and his mind has wandered into a haze. Despite not having ever stepped foot in this place before, he feels an odd sense of familiarity; not enough to be overwhelming, but just enough to indicate its significance. His whole body is moving on autopilot- as if he is in a dream, tracing over someone else’s steps. 

Moments pass, minutes, or hours, Aone does not know. He knows that it feels like he is running in circles and at the same time his body feels still, and his pace is languid. He can’t find the energy to question what is going on, and before he can do so, he turns a corner and stops in his tracks.

Brown eyes stare into his own. 

There is a pool of blood.

One second, Aone sees Futakuchi Kenji lying in the centre of it, and the next his vision turns black.

\-------------------------------------------------------

_Aone’s heart pounds seeing the unfamiliar expression on Kenji’s face. He’s sporting a slight frown on his face, lips in a tight line. Such a foreign expression, one that didn’t belong on such pretty features. Large brown eyes cast down, shoulders slumped._

_“Don’t leave me looking like that.”_

_His words are barely a whisper. To Kenji’s ears, it sounded like a plea. The brunette faced his partner, hand already on the doorknob. He looks like he is about to cry._

_Internally, Aone is groaning. He knows that Kenji is taking it the wrong way, and is probably thinking that he is trying to act cute to get him to stay. In reality, he is sprawled over their bed-couch thingy, engulfed in about three different blankets, cold pack plastered on his forehead, with a throat so sore it hurt to even breathe . He is bed(couch)ridden from a minor flu, but Kenji is being Kenji and that means being dramatic, saying he needs about five other different kinds of meds to get better. It’s night time, and Kenji’s calmed down a bit from the way he was that morning (hint: it involved some panicking and a very melodramatic boyfriend)._

_“I can’t believe this. You’re Mr. Big Scary Bear Man. How can you look this pathetic and expect me not to worry?” Kenji makes his way over to him and slips a hand into one of Aone’s own. Even though he’s burning up from fever, Kenji somehow still manages to feel warm, and Aone chalks it down to another one of the things that only Kenji can do. At the rate they’re going, Kenji will probably get infected too, but he can’t find it in him to avoid the other’s touch. He shuffles a bit, his free hand making its way to the top of Kenji’s head and giving it a soft pat. “Don’t look so sad,” Aone utters, frowning. Kenji’s eyes bore into his own. Aone sees the gears in his head turning, and he knows that Kenji is reconsidering the trip to the drugstore._

_However, his partner is nothing if not persistent._

_“Because you’re being very endearing, I’ll be twice as fast getting your stuff,” Kenji says with a close-eyed smile, teeth on full display. Aone feels a bit better just by seeing Kenji like this, and reluctantly slips his hands off of his partner. At the end of the day, Kenji always had his way._

_He races to the door, puts on his shoes and flashes Aone one last blinding smile before he races out the door._

“Wake up, Aone-san. Hey!”

A sharp pain on his forehead startles him awake. Kogane has his hand raised over Aone’s head after having slapped it. He looks around and realizes he is flat on the ground, at the exact spot where he saw-

“Kenji. Where’s Kenji?” He finds himself questioning the other faster than his brain can catch up to what he’s saying.

Kenji hadn’t left him. He went out, and then what?

Kogane’s eyes widen, and they avoid contact. Ignoring the question, he asks Aone if he can get up, pulling at his shoulders. Aone sits up and swats his hands away, his own large ones grasping Kogane’s collar. “What happened to Kenji?” his voice hasn’t held this much emotion since the time he consoled a Kenji that was blubbering all over himself trying to confess after their high school years were over. His heart blooms at the memory, and crashes down just as fast. He proceeds to catch Kogane by the shoulders and shakes him- calls out the latter’s name, panic rising in his chest. Kogane scrunches his eyes shut tight, lips unwilling to part. They stay like that for a moment.

“He never came home, huh...” he finally speaks, jaw quivering and tone quiet. His palms cover Aone’s, putting them in a vice grip. Aone stills. 

He opens his mouth and continues, “... and for a while, neither did you, Aone-san.” He raises his head, sharp eyes piercing into the other’s. There are tears hanging at the corners of his eyes, threatening to leak onto their hands. 

“You were supposed to forget. I never wanted to be the one to tell you-” he utters a sentence, pace picking up as he does so, “you both got hurt and. And that was it. You wouldn’t wake up, no matter how long the rest of us waited- and for a moment I didn’t want you to,” the tears are spilling without much restraint now, and Kogane starts to bawl, “I’m sorry I didn’t want you to. I didn’t want to be the one who told you that Futakuchi-san didn’t make it, and I held onto that until two years later when you did,” he pauses to look at Aone, really look at him instead of the staredown they had moments ago until now.

“And you forgot, and I let you. So I said you just had a long nap, and you were so out of it that you didn’t even notice that we’d just come from a hospital,” he has Aone’s hands in a vice grip now, yet Aone cannot feel it.

He stopped feeling anything a few moments ago, long before Kogane found it in him to speak. He was looking at Kogane, sure, but he could not see anything, nor could he feel the ground beneath him anymore. He didn’t need to hear anything, because he knew exactly what went down the day Kenji left.  
  


_Three hours, and Kenji still hadn’t returned._

_Aone glances at the digits on the wall. 2310 hours. He starts to worry, but calms down a bit when he reminds himself that Kenji is Kenji and is probably getting sidetracked by a claw machine on the side of the road. Nonetheless, he dons his jacket and grabs an extra one just in case the other needs it, and makes his way out. With his fever, the air outside feels even more chilly, and he marvels at the puffs that exit his lips, signifying his slow breathing. His back hurt a bit, and so Aone saunters in the direction of the drugstore Kenji said he was going to._

_A few minutes into his journey, he realizes that he has to take a road he’s never used before. The corner he’s about to turn into looks particularly dark, but he pays it no mind and scans the area while he makes his way through. The streetlights here are a bit dim, and some parts of the road look pitch black because of it. In the distance, he makes out a figure huddled up against the side of a building, just outside the reach of the light shining from a nearby lamppost. His footsteps halt. He considers turning back because he wants no trouble, and is certainly not in the mood to be assisting anyone when Kenji is still out there, being careless. An internal debate ensues. Aone decides that he will just have to take the risk since Kenji is probably in this area anyway. Slowly, he tries widening his strides so that he can pass by faster, but pauses at the sight of the dark red liquid pooling under the light of the street lamp. His eyes follow the source, landing on the unmoving figure he was avoiding in the first place._

_The first thing he notices is the shoes, since they are in the light. One is tossed to the side, revealing the foot underneath. Even though Aone knows that those are Kenji’s hideous yellow angry bird socks gifted by Kogane, it does not quite register in his mind that this could possibly be him. He does not know how to associate between his lover and blood, and pain, and quiet- because Kenji messes with people and can’t for the life of him, be silent. Even when his eyes slide over straight brown hair, and the familiar white jacket lined with teal that represents their old high school volleyball team, Aone does not move._

_“Bear. Are you there?”_

_He recognizes the voice, but disbelief stains his mind still. His large hands quake as they reach out, his body somehow already hunched over Kenji’s. There’s so much blood that he doesn’t know where to put them, where they should go. He finally decides to start with the gaping wound on Kenji’s abdomen, right where his stomach is. He takes the jacket hung over his arm and presses it to the injury, adding pressure. The sticky liquid seeps into the material at an alarming rate._

_“Hey… you ignoring me now?” Kenji mutters. Aone looks up and their eyes finally meet. He doesn’t dare move, whole body tense. The brunette lets out a feeble laugh, hands moving to grip at Aone’s sleeves. Aone pretends it’s not because he’s too weak to reach much else. He drops the blood soaked piece of cloth and caresses Kenji’s face with both hands. They stain his cheeks with blood, but Aone only focuses on the big brown eyes of his partner, pupils blown, shaking._

_“If you… blame yourself for this,” he coughs weakly, “I’m gonna haunt you so badly your hair falls out…”_

_He wants to reply. He wants to say something,_ do _something to make Kenji feel better, and racks his brain for answers. His thoughts race, and he can’t hear himself think over the blood rushing in his ears. The only thing he can fixate on is the fact that Kenji is bleeding out, and he left his partner to endure it alone. Three whole hours. He tries not to play into the knowledge that if he had left the house earlier, they wouldn’t be in this situation. He tries, and tries, and surrenders himself to what he does best: let Kenji do all the talking._

_As if on cue, Kenji squeezes his arms. A tiny smile accompanies his next words, “There was this… this bastard with a knife and. He took my stuff. I was going to call you, but- but he took my phone too,” his hands move further up Aone’s arms to clutch at the lapels of Aone’s coat, “... and don’t make that face, it’s ridiculous.” His sight blurred from tears, Aone wipes away the wetness from his face. He is confused why the back of his head is damp, and soon realizes that raindrops have started falling onto them._

_Kenji looks up to the sky in wonder. “Of course. Of course it rains now… What should I say… I love you…? Hey, Bear. When I get to Heaven… I mean a big if cuz that’s probably not going to… happen… I’ll tell them I died like… an anime protag… Yo that shit’s sick…” The rain is getting heavier, and Aone finds it difficult to hear what Kenji is saying now. Despite that, he can tell that the other is still running his mouth. He’ll probably be running his mouth even when he ends up in a casket, and Aone shoves the thought away. The image proved to be too much for him to process, and he can not form a single coherent thought as to why he slips his arms under a suddenly very still Kenji._

_At this point, everything is in third person. He has somehow retreated to the back of his mind, his body moving on its own accord. He is carrying Kenji, and he tells his body to look up at the sky and follow the lights. Where there’s lights, there’s people, and people can help Kenji._

_‘This is the only thing you can do for him now.’_

_He hears the sounds of the city, and civilization. He breaks out into a sprint, bleeding form still in his arms, out onto the road. The rain is so dense that he cannot see well, save the blinding light heading his way._

_There is an impact._

_He does not know how hard it was. He feels himself fall, feels the loss of control. Bright red stains the pavement, and Aone tries to make sense of where the rain starts and where Kenji’s and his own blood ends. But all his focus is on the brilliant headlights searing into his vision, and how it illuminates Kenji’s lifeless eyes staring into his own._

\-------------------------------------------------------

Aone can feel himself swaying as Kogane swings him back and forth by the shoulders. Everything is a blur, and he doesn’t think he can hear anything, but he notices the younger rise and his lips are moving. He rushes away, and disappears out of sight. Aone guesses that he is probably looking for help, and lets him be. His hands explore the pavement around him, and he notes that it is cold.

A year ago, no- a few years ago he lost the love of his life here, and Aone feels himself sweating, despite the frosty air. He feels foreign in his own skin. His limbs are separated from his torso, and he is looking down at himself from up in the air. Images run through his head. All different, but all of Kenji. He wants to go home, to the cracked windowpane and bed-couch-thing, but realizes that the only reason the house was worthy of that status was because of Kenji. His whole life, Kenji made everything _belong_. His high school life, uni days, his job, his house, his life- all the memories worth recalling had Kenji’s dumb smile and stinging words. Everything before that was insignificant, and Aone supposes that the only place he truly has a place is with Kenji.

And if there was one thing that bothered him more than anything, it was things that were out of place.

So, he gets up and runs. 

He has no clue where he is headed, and he definitely doesn’t see where he’s going.

On a night with no stars and no moon, only dark clouds and a chill in the air, Aone Takanobu lets his strong legs carry him away. For a split second, he can feel a hand guiding him, and he smiles a smile so light and fragile, he halts his steps to savour the moment. He looks down and sees the city lights reflected in the currents. His scuffed up shoes are put to the side, and his feet are at a ledge. How did they get there?

He steps forward. Slitted eyes close, and he surrenders himself to the wind stinging his face. There are the incessant chants of Futakuchi Kenji’s name in his head, loud and booming, and on and on it went _‘Kenji, Kenji, Kenji’..._

And then, there was nothing.

\-------------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note:**

> idek i hurt myself writing this, the ending was supposed to be different but i drowned myself in old kelly clarkson songs so it turned out this way lmao
> 
> comments are much appreciated!


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